The Rachel Sermanni interview, part 2

Photo: Tommy N Lance

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

17 pieces of wood.

But you have to say it…

How much wood would a wood chuck…how do I say it? A wood chuck would chuck 17 chucks of wood. A wood chuck would chuck 17 exact chucks of wood. Like a wee block. I can imagine it. Like a block…chip off the old block. A chuck!

Why 17?

It’s just one of those axiomatic answers. It’s the truth, right there. Axiomatic…mmm, great word.

If you had to liken yourself to a biscuit, what would it be and why?

I have a rice cake in my head, but I don’t even know why, it’s a rubbish one. I’ll go with one of those long wafer biscuits that you get beside coffees, because I like coffee, and it can be dipped in. I’d like to be that biscuit.

I suppose it doesn’t really say why you think you’re like that biscuit – you like to be dipped in things?

I like to be dipped into really hot…drink…substance. That’s a difficult one. What would you be? Have you prepared your answers for these questions?! I’m just thinking about biscuits that I like now.

A chocolate bourbon maybe?

I’ll go with a Lion Bar…because I’m really brave…

That’s not a biscuit.

…because I’ve got loads of courage inside. You eat a Lion Bar, you’re filled with courage.

 Tell me, why is the sky blue?

I actually know the answer to this, because we asked this question last time we were recording. It’s because of the convex or concave angle of the atmosphere, and the light hitting it. I also wanted to know why the sea was salty.

How do you eat your crème egg?

I don’t like crème eggs. But if liked crème eggs, I’d put it all in my mouth…and I wouldn’t chew, I’d just swallow it. Yep, that’s what I’d do. What do you do? Do you cut off the wee top part and suck out the insides?

I usually eat it in one…but I chew, because I’m a normal person.

Ahh. I’d probably choke and die if I did what I just said there. I nearly choked on chewing gum the other day, but that’s another story. What’s the next question?

What are you getting for Christmas?

Ooh…I actually don’t know. I’m going to India for Christmas so I won’t see my family, but I suspect there will be some toiletries in there, y’know, the usual smelly things.

When did you learn Santa wasn’t real?

It took a while. I was in a large state of denial for a long time. I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe he exists…in our hearts.

What is the point in the tooth fairy?

The minute you speak about the tooth fairy, I have a image from my childhood where one of my friends had this really old spooky house that before them belonged to a poacher. They found loads of glasses of poison and stuff like that all around the place, because it was in the middle of the country. They had this hole in the stairs and they claimed that the tooth fairy lived in there. But the point of the tooth fairy…would be that she believes that if she gets enough teeth, she will be able to create the mammoth again and build him. So basically she’s taking every tooth from every little child, and basically they’re donating towards a fairy who has devoted her life to bringing back the mammoth.

What’s been your favourite Halloween costume?

I dressed up as the Corpse Bride once. Another time I was a Martian. Best one would probably be an octopus, my mum made all these arms and stuck them on my head.

Why can’t dogs look up?

Is that true? I suppose I’ve never really seen a dog look at the sky. A dog can’t look up because…they have an inversed fear of heights, so when they look at the sky, it’s too much for them to take. Inverse vertigo.

If you could be a cat or a dog for a day, what one would it be?

Probably a cat. They have more freedom. Actually the book I’m reading just now, at one part the girl takes a potion which means she can go into other people’s minds, and by accident she goes into the mind of a cat, and it’s really fun. Our cat’s getting old now. She used to be really independent, but now she’s up for a cuddle, it’s great. She’ll happily stay in your arms like a baby. It’s been a long time we’ve been waiting for that cuddly cat to come out…

Rachel Sermanni’s debut EP ‘Black Currents’ is out on 30 January and can be pre-ordered via her website.

Check out part 1 of this interview here.

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